Have you ever looked at a piece of fanfiction and thought, “Wow! This deserves a Pulitzer Prize! Why couldn’t I write that?” No?
That is probably because of the porn AND BECAUSE YOU HAVEN’T FOLLOWED THESE EASY STEPS TO PRODUCING FABULOUS FANFICTION!
Pencils ready? Legs crossed? Ventricular system wide open? Did you think I was going to say something else? Good job, you are already on your way to become a world-class fanfiction author!
How to Write Fluff
Writing fluff is possibly one of the easiest forms of fanfiction. Add these 3 key components to your story and you’ll have fans choking on balls of fur in no time!
1. There should be plenty of touching such as hand holding, hand to face contact, or an arm around a shoulder.
Suddenly, Blaine grabbed Kurt’s hand, his thumb gently stroking the smooth skin that lay in his grasp.
(IT’S LIKE PORN FOR FLUFFY BUNNIES!)
2. Always ensure loving gazes of utter adoration between two (or more, there really is no limit, it could be like a circle of fidelity
this is fluff get your mind out of the gutter) characters. This can be done in a crowed room to provide a more distant lovey-dovey effect.
HERE IS A FANCY DIAGRAM:
See the loving gaze? See the love? DO YOU SEE IT?
3. Always use cheesy dialogue. Smother that fic in as much cheese as possible. One can use literary or cinematic references like Titanic or Twilight as inspiration because if people didn’t say those things in real life, why would it be made into a movie anyways?
"I -" Severus began nervously, watching as Lily’s glossy hair fluttered in the wind. "It is as if I had consumed The Draught of Living Death, because every time I see you, I feel I’ve fallen into a dream and I cannot wake up."
Is your heart palpitating yet?
See? Writing fluff is easy. Just force feed your audience as much fluff as possible and everything will be fine.
How to Write Angst
Remember when angst was associated with a teenager’s ability to brood and be generally moody? Those were the good ol’ days. In fanfiction, angst is generalized as a character’s inability to have sex with another character, thus inducing the many hopeless sobs of various heart-broken fans.
But how do we break a person’s heart? We’re not mean people. Here is a wonderful example of many topics you can choose from, each more soul imploding than the next!
I’m already curled up in my sock drawer ready to sleep for days.
How to Write Porn
Porn is probably the most daunting challenge a writer faces, especially because every fandom has such high standards.
Frequently Asked Questions:
Don’t be shy when writing your porn! Use plenty of exclamations, and describe every little detail. People want to know how every little piece was wedged in.
The most important thing to remember is if you label your fanfiction as NC-17, it guarantees that someone will read it.
How to Write Crossovers
All you need is a little imagination and no shame.
The One Step to Rule Them All
Never, ever, ever, ever give up. Ideas may come and go. Sometimes key-smashing may seem like Shakespeare compared to what your sleep deprived fingers has just typed out. But you must not let that get you down. KEEP GOING!